I got a forwarded email, apparently addressed to God.
We fervently pray that our nation will be spared from another threatening typhoon.
Our suffering people have not recovered from Ondoy’s wrath.
Please prevent Pepeng and other typhoons from hitting any of our islands.
Save us from further calamities by embracing our country with your protective grace and merciful blessings.
Lord Jesus we humbly ask for your intercession that we and our families be safe from all these afflictions
Amen. Pray unceasingly. Please pass to start prayer brigades.
I forwarded it to God and believe it or not, God emailed me back!
I’m sorry to say that your nation will not be spared from another threatening typhoon, nor from any other natural calamity for that matter.
Unfortunately, when I created the heavens and earth, I miscalculated with placing your country by the edge of the great pacific ocean where powerful typhoons originate. My bad.
It is also unfortunate that your islands ended up in a rather unstable continental plate, frequented by earthquakes and volcanic activities. As you may have known ever since, you are indeed situated in the Pacific Rim of Fire. My second bad.
Had I known that my faithfuls who pray all the time would end up in such a calamity-prone geographical location, I would have placed all of you in Sweden where typhoons are never heard of and earthquakes almost non-existent. If you ask me, the Swedes, who never pray don’t deserve to be in such a safe place!
I am not punishing you with all these calamities because of your sins. There are more sinful peoples out there mind you. I really want to help you. However I am no more in position to redesign the world. I don’t even know whether I exist or not. You see, there’s the mystery. And you will never understand.
If you ask me, prayer brigades won’t stop flash floods. What you need is a brigade that will cleanse your country of corrupt politicians. What you need is a people’s brigade that can ensure good governance. A people’s brigade who will elect effective administrators, who are not only good in disaster coordination but also in implementing projects for disaster prevention.
It annoys me that every single fucking year (excuse the language, I am god after all), your people never learn. There are only two seasons in your country, wet and dry. During the dry season, you complain that there’s no water. When it’s wet you complain that there’s too much water. The equation is too simple to miss! Why don’t you store the excess water during the wet season? Of course your dams are too old and too small to contain huge volume of water. And for a country regularly visited by heavy rains, it is ridiculous that you don’t have any functioning flood control system whatsoever. How does your government prioritize its budget? How much goes to projects aimed at alleviating the effects of natural calamities which you expect year in and year out?
So, please stop praying about this. I tell you, prayer does not work. Especially when sent via email. You were lucky yours didn’t end up in the spam folder.