On Love And Commitment

Early this morning, amidst some chirping birds frolicking in frost laden pine trees, I briskly walked through a small park on my way to work. Dry brown leaves, left over from last year’s failed autumn season cracked under my winter boots.

Today’s weather has been extra nice. Precious sun rays beamed shyly through the tightly branched canopy. The air was so still, placid and crisp, I was so afraid it would crack if I fart. Fortunately, I conquered myself. It is mind over matter, after all.

Nature is such a powerful source of inspiration. Suddenly I found myself sitting on an old park bench. The lab bench can wait, I convinced myself. I took out a piece of paper and a pencil. I don’t carry pens by the way. I find pencils more reliable than pens. Besides you can start a fire using a pencil if you have the patience to rub it against some dry wood. In Sweden, how to make a fire is a must for survival. No kidding.

I had nothing in particular in my mind to write about. I even thought I’ll just do some squirrel sketches and then leave. But as the tip of the pencil touched the surface of the blank piece of paper, I decided I’d write about love and commitment. Strange, indeed as it is not even Valentine’s Day.

Now allow me to start my inquiry by asking when was the last time you whispered “I love you” to someone? Yesterday? Today? Five years ago?

Now, have you ever said “I commit myself to you” to anyone? How many times have you uttered this phrase?

Why does it seem easier to say “I love you” than “I commit myself to you”?

My take on this lies on the very nature of love. So vague, so undefined. As abstract as it can get! It can assume so many different meanings. Love between two friends, love between two lovers, love between mother and child, love between brothers and sisters, and even love between blogmates. Love simply comes in gradations.

Now, commitment is an entirely different entity. It is kind of a binary digit. A bit so to say, which can only take two values, either 0 or 1. It is either you commit yourself to someone or not. You cannot say “I commit myself to you BUT yada, yada, yada.” But how many times have you heard someone or even yourself say “I love you but yada, yada, yada?”

When two people part ways, it is often the case that they still love one another. Or at least a trace of that lovin’ feeling is still left in each other’s heart. Commitment on the other hand doesn’t work like that.

Why? Because love is made in the “heart” while commitment is made in the brain. Everything of course is decided in the grey matter. For lack of a better term, I called that illogical part of the brain as “heart”. It’s just semantics.

And that was all I managed to write this morning while sitting on a park bench. Not only was I getting hypothermic but I also realized some cell cultures waiting to be harvested in the lab.

There are still a number of questions I wish to address regarding this topic. Are these two mutually-exclusive? Can one love someone without committing one’s self to that person? Or can one be committed to someone without loving that person?

The best scenario of course would be that someone is in love with you and is committed to you at the same time, but if all comes to worse, which would you rather have, love or commitment?  

About metromogli

MOGLi - A Brown in the Land of the Blues and Blondes
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28 Responses to On Love And Commitment

  1. malen says:

    BORDS!!! hahahahahhinde naman masyadong Valentine pero may pagka mushy-sweety ang post na ito. babalik ako…sasagutin ko yung questions….maglalaba lang muna ko! Good Morning and HAPPY HEART’S DAY!!!!!!!! Mwah and Hugs to yah! LOL

  2. mogLi says:

    @Malen: I know! This post is mushy to the bones! Bords, baka naman pedeng pakilaba na rin ng weekend laundry ko? I pa-pa- fed ex ko mamaya. Hahaha! Warm hugs!

  3. HairySwede says:

    Love conquers all. Except for someone who isn’t committed to that love.

  4. mogLi says:

    @HairySwede: That is in fact a nice way to put it! Commit to love. Love to commit. Wow! Which should come first? A chicken-egg question!

  5. kimberly says:

    cant i have both?

  6. mogLi says:

    @Kimberly: Sure dear, and that’s the perfect scenario everyone strives to achieve. And I believe these two are the key ingredients in a LONG and HAPPY relationship.

  7. kimberly says:

    Was wondering…what part of this city are you in? i could easily pass you and not know it everyday..lol

  8. Rakotozafy says:

    Haha, jag tror du var inte den första att reagera med “WTF” på Kurt Schwitters. Det var säkert ännu högre WTF-faktor när hans Ursonate kom ut år 1922. 🙂 Kul att du blev intresserad. Parallellen till Crazy Frog är säkert inte så fel heller. Grodan har säkert lärt sig mycket av dadaismen.

  9. RennyBA says:

    What a love(ly) post and a great reminder. I’m happy to report that I say ‘I love you’ to my wife twice today and admit: the best was when she told me she loves me too :-)Btw: Thanks for listing me – your on my blogroll too!

  10. Anna says:

    Jupp, there can be comittment witout love and also the other way around but I wouldn´t recomend it. I think one have to remeber that the feeling of beeing IN love comes and goes in a relationship even tough the love stays: It´s the tingling feel you have to work for and that what you comit to: work for the relationship to stay fresh.

  11. Smek This! says:

    Nice warm thoughts in the middle of the Winter! I think I will say ‘I love you’ to my wife today as I skype to her. Thanks for a reminder!BTW, I’d like to see you catch a fire with a pencil! LOL

  12. mogLi says:

    @Smek This! That’s just so sweet of you Papa Smek! 🙂 About making fire, try those small free give away pencils at IKEA. I think they really are designed for this purpose when one fails to assemble an Ikea wooden furniture.
    @Anna: Thanks for the input! You are absolutely right that a relationship needs constant care for it to work and stay “fresh”.
    @RennyBA: Oh, I know you guys are among the sweetest cybercouple I’ve ever known! LOL! Thanks a lot too for the link!
    @Rakotozafy: Jag var väldigt förvånad faktiskt att det var gjort i 1920s! Riktigt WTF! Dadaism is the Shit, man! hahaha!
    @Kimberly: I live somewhere very close to Chalmers. If you ever take line 6,7, or 8, going downtown, just wave to your left when you’re at Chalmers stop and I’ll try to wave back! 😉 Hahaha!

  13. maluca says:

    I commit myself to you is beautiful! Should be said vith Love… Of course I know you told me about my eyes, thanks! // maluca

  14. Smek this! says:

    A man in the street walks by, with a cigarrette in his hand, looking for a person with a match.-do you have a light?Mogli:-no, but try these IKEA pencils. They are just great!LOL!!!!

  15. mogLi says:

    @Smek: Mogli adds, “Just be careful. It’s highly combustible!” Hahaha!

  16. HairySwede says:

    It is interesting how I love you can be thrown around so easily, but which comes first? Do people commit first and then realize they have fallen in love. Then do they fall out of love and decide to decommit? Maybe commitment comes first while I love you can still be thrown around until the final decommitment.

  17. mogLi says:

    @HairySwede: The fact that “i love u” can be thrown around so easily perhaps contributed to it losing its essence. How about what people call “love at first sight” then? In this case, it is clearly love first before they commit. But one wonders if this really happens in the real world. I honestly think it is BS. How can you love some stranger just by looking at him/her?

  18. Smek This! says:

    You can’t. It’s called infatuation, not love.

  19. HairySwede says:

    Agreed. Lust, infatuation. But not love.

  20. malen says:

    kakatapos ko lang mag-laba bords…hahaha..o daliii ipadala mo na yung labahan mo biliss…mag lalaba ulet ako mamya…samahan mo na din ng balikbayan box hane? *honestly, iniisip ko sya ng 2 araw na, masyado kaseng broad ang topic na yan…pwede naman mag-commit without love…pero when you love, andun dapat yung commitment. hahaha, ang babaw noh. like sa mag asawa, they can still be committed to each other kahit wala na nung love…bound kase ng marriage…but LOVE is NOT really 100% love if you can’t commit 100%. If you can’t commit then probably LUST lang yun Anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of time. ECHOS!maglalaba ulet. see yah!! Happy heart’s day BORDS!!!

  21. Zhu says:

    You’ve been tagged!

  22. cheh says:

    Agang post ito para sa mga pusa este puso mogs hahaha but truly labeeeet!Great post!;)Back to your Qs–can one be committed to someone without loving that person? shore!!arrange marriagesCan one love someone without committing one’s self to that person? shore!again;)applicable sa mga duwag ito,hehe

  23. emily says:

    coolness.. kung astig tracker muh, u know that i ended up here thru peyupsdotcom! pero kung hindi man astig tracker muh… astig ka definitely magsulat!!! nice thoughts ;onot much of a writer/blogger pero napapahilig (na ulit) magbasa..pa-epal nlng sa tanong muh. love or commitment: aba´y love syempre..aanhin kuh ang papel!?!pero yung cell cultures muh.. they probably need more of your commitment.. hehe ;o

  24. joy says:

    I believe they’re inseparable, though the nature of the commitment varies.Thanks for visiting Your Love Coach and leaving your footprints behind. Do visit again!joyThe Goddess In YouNorwich Daily PhotoYour Love Coach

  25. mogLi says:

    @joy: Thanks for the valuable input, lovecoach!
    @emily: Ei! Salamat sa pagdaan at sa komento. hehehe…tama ka, cell cultures muna bago echos! LOL!
    @cheh: di nga ba…agang happy heart’s day! mahusay ang iyong answers, shore na shore! haylaykit! hahaha!
    @malen: tapos na ba ang labada, dear? Hahaha! blog mo naman ngayong ang may problema. i hope ma solve na. miss ka na ng mga fans mo!
    @HairySwede and Smek I concur!

  26. Personally, I would agree that ‘love’ and ‘commitment’ would mean two slightly different things to me, though the line between is often ‘fuzzy’ and difficult to place. If choosing let’s say a lifelong partner or a partner in life, the question I would ask myself would be if I was willing to go through hell and / or high water with that person i.e. commit myself to that person. And that is, as you mentioned, a decision to be made quite unemotionally.

  27. mogLi says:

    @Cheryl: Hej! Thanks for the input in the discussion. Much appreciated knowing that you’re on a holiday over there!

  28. Love is neither vague or undefined. Love is not abstract either and it CAN´T assume so many different meanings. Love is very clear and concrete and it has only one meaning – “I love you”. There is nothing undefined in the love between two friends. There is nothing undefined in the love between parent and child or in the love between lovers. You either love or you don´t. Just because love can take different forms in different contexts (the context of parentship, of friendship, of romantic partnership, etc.) it doesn´t mean love is vague, undefined or abstract. Love does not come in gradations, it comes in different contexts.Maybe you are confused in both your love and commitment. Real love and commitment go hand in hand. You can’t have love without commitment but you can have commitment without love. If you love someone you are committed to that person, a loving parent is committed to his/hers child, a loving friend is commited to his/hers friend, a loving lover is committed his/hers lover. But you can also be committed to a businesspartner without love, just because you have a common goal. You can be committed to an organisation or to a cause without love. Actually you can be very commited to something or someone because of hate.Or maybe you are unclear about what commitment is?

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